[1993] Various Artists, "100% Hits - 93 Volume 9"

What?: An Australia compilation of hits from 1993.

Why?: I used to borrow these compilations ("100% Hits" and "Hit Machine") from the local video store before someone decided hiring CDs wasn't legal. I used to make compilation tapes of the songs I liked (oh, that's why). Meanwhile I was also crazy obsessed with Australian band The Sharp and had to have every CD that featured them. They're on this.

Normally I wouldn't bother reviewing a compilation, especially a various artists "hits" compilation like this one, but part of the fun of this mission-to-review is to force myself to listen to stuff I know I hate.

Tell me more!:
1. Johnny Diesel, "Never Miss Your Water": In August 2002 my band booked a CD release gig at the Armadale Hotel (now a fruit shop I think) for a Saturday night. We got bumped back to Friday, because of Diesel. After the gig we were told we had about 200 paying customers, while Diesel had around 80. To be fair to him I think his was a record-company thing and most people probably got in for free, but still...

This is one of a number of styles of rock that I identify with the 90s. Far too much money spent on production. I like the slappy punchy bass, and horns are always good, but his style of singing and random orchestra grate.

Fades out.

2. Johnny Gill, "The Floor": Trust me when I say he plans to hit that floor. He must be telling the truth, he keeps saying it. Another one of those only-in-the-90s styles. Repetitive beat, falsetto male vocals trying to be Michael Jackon. It's the last gasp of the 90s still trying to be the sophisticated danceable 80s. Two minutes too long. Points for rhyming "derrière" with "air", and for not fading out.

3. Chaka Demus & Pliers, "Tease Me": Like a bad dance remix of a bad song, only it's supposed to sound like this. More vowel rotations than a road-raging New Zealander.

4. Duran Duran, "Come Undone": I was reminded of this song years later when I found myself with a copy of the Australian artists Duran Duran tribute album, "The Songs Of Duran Duran Undone". I remember this song driving me crazy in the 90s. The female vocal is so shrill. I like it more today, it reminds me of Caligula (the band), and the guitar effect throughout sounds just like one of my first guitar pedals. Nostalgia. Fades out.

5. The Cruel Sea, "The Honeymoon Is Over": I always thought the lyrics were "Gonna send you back to where the fuck, the hell it was you came" but apparently they're "Gonna send you back to wherever the hell it was you came" which makes a lot more sense, especially given how much radio play it gets. But then they used to play Regurgitator's Blubber Boy all the time too and that says the C word.

Either way, this song has been so over played it's hard to critique in any fair way. Slide guitar, dugga bass, vocals pushed out through beer soaked cheeks. The Cruel Sea are a unique and fun band. The song ends properly too.

6. Billy Idol, "Shock To The System": Awful. I like Billy Idol. The Billy Idol in my head anyway. He took Faith No More on tour with him in the 1990, so he deserves a pat on the back for that. The song has no punch, no power, but Billy sings it like it does. The guitar loop is terrible, and must be deliberately so because it's cranked up in the breaks. Ends properly.

7. The Sharp, "Scratch My Back": I love The Sharp. Far to biased to even comment. My band tried to cover this once and we were terrible. We tried "Spider" too. Just as bad.
A demonstration to other bands how to end a song.

8. Lenny Kravitz, "Believe": I despise this song. An attempt at sounding like The Beatles? Semi-religious and "Deep" and it fades out. The solo is good though.

9. East 17, "West End Girls": Oh wait, no, THIS song is horrible. Rapping isn't about sounding bored... I think Neil Patrick Harris would do a reasonable parody of this song though. And how good are those floppy oversized beanies? Bring those back! Fades out.

10. Silk, "Freak Me": OK fine, this song is even worse. I remember a party once, it must have been the year this came out. I was on the backstage crew of the school play so got to go to the after party (I'd never had been invited to a party otherwise). I remember this song playing and watching the incredibly uncomfortable but amused reaction from our vice-principle as he listened to the lyrics and watched various 14 year olds dance horrifically.

This really is the sleaziest song ever put to tape.

I'd love to hear a sweet-voiced singer-songwriter type female vocalist do a cover it.

Fades out.

11. 4 Non Blondes, "Whats Up?": This song cops a lot of crap, but I think it's held up fairly well. Sure that hat is stupid, and her voice breaks up all over the place, but it's a nice little pop ditty. Who doesn't like acoustic ooohs? And they end the song properly.

12. Inner Circle, "Sweat (A La La La La Song)": Reggae Fusion. Enough said. Has a proper end.

13. Snow, "Girl I've Been Hurt": A guy in my class used to sing Informer all the time. That was annoying. This song is awful. Some asshole overly jealous boyfriend asking demanding questions of his girlfriend. Awww, now he needs another lover. Poor you. Fades out.

14. Chocolate Starfish, "You're So Vain": I saw Chocolate Starfish play this song live in 1994 at Festival Hall. For nearly every song the singer put the microphone down his pants. We left early (we were only there for The Sharp). The overly Aussie accent doesn't do this song any favours. It was hugely popular. Clearly the original kills it. Fades out.

15. George Thorogood, "Get A Haircut" - I was surprised to see the nice animated video for this song. It's the kind of almost-comedy song you used to get before Denis Leary's "Asshole". It's vaguely amusing. Fades out.

16. R.E.M., "Everybody Hurts": Bill Berry's "polished turd". My favourite bit of this song is that the first time the main guitar riff is played there is a miss-struck string at the end. It taught me even hugely popular songs could have glaring mistakes in them and no-one will notice. Fades out. Of course.

17. The Cranberries, "Linger": Remember when everyone loved "Zombie"? I surprised no-one has done something with that given how popular zombies are these days. "Linger", and I think "Dreams", were the other songs popular from this album. I still have a soft spot for it. Has a proper end!

18. Tina Turner, "I Don't Wanna Fight": Ergh. Tina diving head first into the 90s. That beat, the orchestra... stop it! Tina has a fantastic voice though.

1/10 - I did get a fair amount of nostagia and amusement from listening to this, but really there aren't many good songs on here, and they're all best heard in the context of their albums.

[1996] Eyvind Kang, "7 Nades"

What?: The prolific Kang's second album.

Why?: I first saw Kang play violin with Secret Chiefs 3 in 1998 at The Corner in Melbourne. I'd only gone to the gig because I'd heard Trey Spruance (the guitarist from Mr. Bungle) was involved. They were brilliant, and Kang especially impressed taking on almost a front-man role in the live act. During that tour they played a long medley of songs which I later found out included some Kang tracks so I arranged to get some on tape from a friend. Recently I dug through a box of old tapes and was reminded of "7 Nades" and "Theatre Of The Nades", so bought them.

Tell me more!:
Perhaps though I should have listened to the tape first.

Not that there is nothing of worth on this album, but what is there that is good is almost universally ruined, deliberately.

The first track for instance ("theme from 1st NADE") is lovely, like the music behind the opening credits of a 70s movie. Harpsichord, spaghetti western guitar, choir, all ruined by deliberate vinyl noise.

The next five tracks are noise. No other description. Track 6, ("winged head over troubled waters") might be a nice short horn orchestra track over campfire noises, but instead is unlistenable due to what must be deliberate, very high pitched background noise that make my tinnitus effected ears very upset.

Track 8 ("Universal") starts with an interesting discordant set of descending notes, but quickly turns into a violin torture session, for five minutes.

Track 9, "theme from 6th NADE", is again some interesting horn music, again ruined by fake vinyl. Do people buy these albums on vinyl then complain their clean record sounds like crap? I hope so.

Track 10, "extra cry", starts with a great scream, the kind of random-noise I could get into, but ends with someone messing with a guitar chord. Buzz. Buzz.

The album does end well, "The Banishment" is all 70s soundtrack with Japanese narration (again with the vinyl noise) and "living corpses" is an epic guitar solo over orchestra, the perfect end-credits song. It's fantastic.

As an album I've clearly missed the point. It's noisy and not particularly interesting, but there are at least four good songs on here. If you think vinyl noise is "quaint" or whatever the hell, then you might love those tracks. I unfortunately just get angry that good music was destroyed.

2/10 - Mostly for the last track. It would have been 4 without the vinyl noise.

[1982] Midnight Oil, "10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1"

What?: Midnight Oil's fourth album.

Why?: I have all of MO's albums, but this was one of the first I bought on CD. I own "Power and the Passion" as a 7" single, and I had the album on tape forever.

Tell me more!:
My favourite MO album. Bias. It's been on my "top ten albums" list (when I've had such things) pretty much forever.

The guitar riffs, the drumming, the background sound effects, the lyrics. It's all perfect.

It carved into my musical language how music should sound. Drums don't have to be 4/4 constants in the background. All spaces should be filled with a noise, unless emptiness is the aim. Dropping end-song into a pop strummy ditty is fine (Only The Strong), as are epic noise intros (Scream In Blue), piano solos (Short Memory), drum solos (Power & The Passion), and ending albums with infinitely held notes (Somebody's Trying To Tell Me Something).

Meanwhile the more straight hits just plain rock (Read About It, US Forces, Tin Legs & Tin Mines).

My only complaint is that maybe Maralinga is a bit too weird. I love that it is weird, but perhaps it's just a bit long and not varied enough.

9/10